Laffy Taffy
Laffy Taffy is neither laffy nor taffy. Each piece comes with two jokes on the wrapper, usually pun-based. Jokes that may have taken a week for some guy sitting in his office at Wonka. That’s another thing. Wonka isn’t nearly as good as what I’d expect Willy Wonka to make. Nerds are pretty good, but they don’t make anything with chocolate. I mean, I expect them to make exact replicas of just about every kind of candy in “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” These jokes some fourth graders micht chuckle at, but even they would know the joke isn’t that funny. These are jokes that adolescents would only laugh at ironically, and adults would laugh at because they pretend not to know that their kid got it off a candy wrapper and they want to make him feel good about himself. This kid will never ever be a comedian, and should not be encouraged to try to be funny because he sucks. Later in life he will recite funny moments from movies and be chastised by his peers because he ruined the joke with his complete lack of timing or comedy. Here is an example of a joke:
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the mountain?
A: He didn’t have the guts.
This is one of the better ones because at least the pun didn’t involve a half made-up word. I didn’t laugh. I didn’t chuckle. Except for using it as an example, I will never tell it to anyone else in an attempt to be funny. Laffy Taffy is also not taffy. I don’t know how they manage to acheive such a non-taffy taste and texture, but they do. I’m not saying it’s bad, in fact I rather like it, but it is in no way laffy or taffy. It should be called: “That candy that Wonka makes that isn’t Nerds” or “Puns on the wrapper, Soy Lecithin and Diglycerides inside.”
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My opinions on Laffy Taffy are nothing but bad. Kurt covered most of the bad parts. He only falls short in approving of the taste.
Picture this: a 3 Musketeer’s bar has to sit ≥2 weeks on the factory shelves before achieving that desired fluffy texture (ironically, a “fresh” 3 Musketeer has a taffy consistency). Laffy Taffy always has a stale texture. This leads me to two explanations:
1) Wonka is never in short supply of Laffy Taffy, because they’re always shipping orders from two years ago. Like the light of a dead star, we won’t notice when production of the candy stops until it is years old and they finally ship it to us.
2) Wonka is using alchemy to produce stale candy. In this way Laffy Taffy is actually fresh. We’re getting it immediately post-production. But alchemy is used to completely skip the normal time to shitting-of-quality ratio by producing stale product instantaneously.
Admittedly, Laffy Taffy is usually stale as balls. However, find a good piece and you’ll do nothing but orgasm.
We don’t eat taffy in the UK we eat good food
I hat Laffy Taffy, it sticks everywhere in my mouth.
The only candy I like from Wonka are Sweet-Tarts, Fun Dip and Runts.
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